PUBLISHED BY ORPEN PRESS
Available worldwide directly from www.orpenpress.com as well as the following bookshops.
And now available
as
eBook
and
audio book!
This is a book about establishing equality in your own relationship and in society overall. It
- identifies what parenting and running a home actually involves, so that you and your partner can decide what your own Invisible Job consists of, and then figure out together how best to share this responsibility fairly
- examines how an imbalance in these responsibilities negatively impacts the lives of women – in terms of their career progression, financial security, physical and mental health and self-identity
- explores the reasons for this imbalance in society globally and most importantly, how to prevent it happening in your relationship
As we enter the busiest phase of our lives (mid-30s to mid 40s), especially if children are involved, relationships can come under intense stress due to competing demands on our limited time. An imbalance at this point in how home and parenting responsibilities are shared (or acknowledged) frequently creates resentment, which may undermine the stability of the relationship. Feeling they have too much to juggle, working Moms often question whether they should switch to working part-time or give up their job completely, while some men feel they would love to have this option. However, parents who opt to stay at home full time may face a different set of challenges, including lack of acknowledgement and loss of identity.
We must aim to to establish fairness and equality in relationships as early as possible – ideally, long before even considering children! When it comes to sharing responsibilities, it is up to individual couples to determine exactly what ‘fair’ looks like and how to best combine your individual strengths in partnership.
Identifying and appreciating exactly what The Invisible Job entails is an essential step towards mutual appreciation, interdependence and happiness in your relationship.
The book features extensive scientific research on the significant impact that bearing the majority of home and parental responsibilities has on women around the world. It also includes insights from many 1:1 interviews by the author with women in Ireland and the UK on their experiences of managing this challenge and how it has affected their life.
Just to be clear: this is not a book about parenting or how to parent! Many elements of
The Invisible Job
apply regardless of whether you have children and are therefore relevant to all co-habiting couples*.
(*Note that while the data and interviews featured in the book focus on the dynamics of heterosexual relationships, the concepts and roles are equally relevant to all couples).
Readers: Once you have read the book and are ready to create your own Invisible Job Description, and build a happier and more equal relationship with your partner, download and edit your free template here.
Reviews
“It’s not often you read a book and think: only a woman could have written this.
I just did.”
Sheila Wayman, Features Editor, The Irish Times
“Absolutely brilliant!
Paula Fyans has framed it brilliantly.
I thoroughly enjoyed this book; highly recommend it!.”
Jerry Kelly,
LMFM Radio
“I think people will be fascinated by this book.”
Joe Nash,
Limerick Today Radio
“O that this book had existed 20 years ago…This topic is universal and the value in this book is in reading it and considering the issue of equality at home BEFORE “the pattern evolves” and before you slip in to taking on that “mental load” that comes with being the family project manager. Highly highly recommend”
Amazon.co.uk review
Jun 2021
"This is a truly remarkable book. It is amazingly well researched and detailed about what is involved for young couples rearing a family in contemporary society. It is very frank and honest. The author contends that an equitable division of responsibility and chores leads to less exhaustion, less resentment and greater fulfilment for both partners. She presents a useful guide for young couples on planning how to share the responsibility of parenthood to the benefit of both partners, leading to greater harmony and happiness for all the family.”
Bernadette Wynne, Dublin
"Great book, highly recommend it!
All topics are covered. Every little thing you’d never think of is there to help you navigate. Along with first-hand experience and great “time out breaks” with insights from people like Michael MacIntyre and Eleanore & Eimer.
The author is curious, fair and never afraid to address the elephant in the room.
This book is not a grumble about how unfair a woman’s work is but is an unbiased, thorough and objective investigation of the subject, with realistic solutions proposed. As a mother of five, I feel very much understood and recognized.
The mental load is huge and should be shared between two consenting adults. I remember my father-in-law coming once to a birthday party I had organized. It had taken so long – weeks! – beforehand to actually find a date that suited everyone, when I could then send out the invitations which had to be printed and detailed according to my child wishes, (Naruto birthday cards or Mario birthday cards etc). Then all the games have to be organized, like 'Pass the Parcel' where everything had to be bought and wrapped individually instead of sheets of newspaper, 'Fishing,' where once again several gifts for each child had to be bought and wrapped with a special hook attached. Then Musical chairs, Hide and Seek, Treasure Hunt etc. etc. All of this takes so much time to organize!
Then you have to decide what to eat at the party and take into account any allergies or food intolerances certain children might have.
When they arrive, you have to be there to welcome parents. During the party you have to keep a constant eye on all of the children, and monitor any fighting/crying. Then the adults arrive to the party and you have to prepare something for them.
My father-in-law sat down at the table and drink champagne most of the afternoon and maybe took a few photographs. The end of the evening he said to me, 'I just love this. I would love to organize birthday parties'. I looked at him and thought, you spent the entire afternoon sitting down at a table with adults drinking champagne. You have no idea of the time I talk to organize this birthday party nor the work involved in preparing all of the games. And food and all I have been doing. While I have been up and down 1 million times checking on all the children you have been happily wondering about with a silly smile on your face.
Also a must read for men because, honestly, not a lot of men have any idea whatsoever of all the invisible jobs but their wives or partners do when you see them, written clearly in black and white, you cannot but recognize and acknowledge them.
It really brought me back remembering all the things I had wanted to do before baby was born, like footprints etc! My first child’s journal was indeed filled with first moments, my second child less, not much on the twins ( but did manage the handprints lol!) and a little bit ( plus footprints!) on number 5.
Caroline Rooney, France
“I thoroughly recommend this book and the detailed description of ’The Invisible Job’ not only to anyone considering parenthood or who is a parent, but also to anyone involved in designing best practices, processes and policies within companies or government. I particularly recommend it to the numerous trailing spouses I’ve met who question their contribution to the family and society - just calculate what it would cost you to hire the 24/7 team to do what you do and make sure you have life insurance to cover that cost - and also to those wishing to return to paid employment following a career break caring for family - value yourself and highlight all those transferable skills! Likewise for hiring managers, this is a great insight into both the hard and ’soft’ skills of returners."
Brigid O'Donovan, Managing Partner, IoT Sensing, Switzerland
“What is remarkable about The Invisible Job is the manner in which it identifies, enumerates, analyses and articulates the issues that many couples struggle with in family life today. The topic will resonate with anyone who has ever argued about household tasks or couples who have found themselves overwhelmed by the sheer volume and diversity of the demands of raising children while both parents work full time.”
Dr Marie Murray,
Clinical Psychologist, Systemic Therapist and Author
"Encourages debate and breaking paradigms!
I strongly recommend this book!
The author, Paula Fyans, uses her scientific background to present and quantify in an enjoyable way, including her own experience, the household chores and care work.
Her research shows that women are still in charge of the major part of this unpaid work. This fact brings them an economic drawback, and often resulting in personal frustration and in a stressed situation with their partners.
What surprised me was the fact that Paula includes a flexibility factor to the domestic tasks, which represents, in addition to the time required, a relevant burden to the mental load. Furthermore, the better this job is done, the more it becomes invisible.
I completely agree with her that the failure on measuring, valuing and fairly sharing the invisible job is at the heart of today's gender imbalance".
Amazon.co.uk review, Jun 2021